What have you done, turned it into a Roller Disco?

Uncanny

Apologies for the quote, but if you read that in the correct voice, with the correct level of early-80s chaotic energy, then congratulations, you are absolutely my kind of people.

If not… go and educate yourself with a bit of anarchic eighties sitcom brilliance and then come back. I’ll wait.

Some references aren’t explained. They’re earned.

Right then.

So a work colleague, let’s call her Sue.
Because that is, in fact, her name, suggested a few of us head down to the reasonably new Roller Club in Worcester last Tuesday night. (Worcester Rollers)

Now.

It has been at least 20 years since I last put on a pair of inline skates. Possibly more. Long enough that they were stored in the garage. Long enough that wildlife had legally claimed squatter’s rights.

I pulled them out and evicted a mouse.
Not metaphorically. An actual mouse.
The little legend had built a full studio apartment in one boot. Bedding. Pantry. Interior design. The lot.

Before anyone calls the RSPCA , I relocated the bed nearby. I’m not a monster. Slightly disruptive landlord? Yes. Monster? No.

Unfortunately, time has not been as kind to the skates as it was to the mouse.
The plastic had gone brittle.
The straps snapped off.
They were essentially vintage relics held together by optimism and mouse droppings

But technically wearable.

So off we went, me, Sue (skating prodigy), and eventually Evie (somebody get this girl a watch), to join the extremely friendly Worcester Rollers at the local sports centre.

Verdict:

• Evie – hesitant.
• Sue – suspiciously excellent.
• Me – did not make a complete arse of myself.

Which, frankly, is a win.

No broken bones.
No ambulance.
Only mild dignity loss.

We will absolutely be back.

(Yes, there’s a TikTok. Of course there’s a TikTok.)

Now here’s where it gets predictable.

In true Haphazard Athlete fashion, I then spent far too long researching new skates. I was seconds away from dropping £200 on shiny new ones before my sensible head tackled my impulsive head to the ground.

Compromise was reached.

I have instead bought a second-hand pair of quad skates from Vinted for the very reasonable sum of £20.

Because nothing says “measured decision-making” like replacing one questionable hobby with another format of the same hobby.

Watch this space.

This will almost certainly become my new, short-lived obsession.

Until next Tuesday.